Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
