I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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