im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
