i was rollin on her like bob the builder
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
