just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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