omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
