friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
