Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
