my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
