Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
