umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
