At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He called his prostate his "boner button".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
