I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
