its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
