please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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