Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
