Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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