we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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