I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
