dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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