My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
