Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
