I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
