I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
