when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
