Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
