My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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