it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
