The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
