anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
