When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
