i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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