I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
