I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
