I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
birth control should be required to get into college
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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