hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
