I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
