In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
