oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
