When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
