I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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