I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
