Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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