What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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