The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
