would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
