I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
