Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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