By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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