Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
