Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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